Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Let Go...

Jeremy goes back to work today. He has been laid off for the last 6 weeks.

2 weeks before Christmas at like 10 am Jeremy called to tell me he was on his way home from work and wouldn't be going back. I was devastated, frustrated, but mostly very angry with the situation. And my anger has been hard to deal with. It is something I am constantly asking God to take away.

He was sent home because paperwork had been screwed up and no one could fix it. Mostly because everyone had already left for Christmas vacation. Yet they could lay him off.

We prayed, asked God what we were supposed to do with this time, if Ridgecrest was still the place for us. Mostly we asked God to provide because we needed Him more than ever.

We were told that nothing would be resolved until the first week of January when everyone would be back to work

January 5th--Jeremy got a text message from the HR person to let us know that they had lost the contract. Then the question went from "when will this be fixed" to "will he even have a job to go back to once all the paperwork is fixed"

That Friday he met with the CEO of the company who had won the contract, he assured him yes there would be a job for him, his previous boss and co-workers only had positive things to say about him and really wanted him back.  They were working as fast as possible to get him back to work since this was such a screwed up situation.

We had done nothing wrong, his previous company didn't want to lay him off, and there was still no one who could get him back to work.  That day I struggled a lot.  They told us it could still take 2 weeks, which it did.  I am not proud of this but I started asking God why.  It felt like He was telling us that we needed to stay in Ridgecrest a little longer but He wasn't fixing things on my timeline.  I was also very angry again. I was sick of this wait-and-see game.

Today after 6 weeks home he goes back.

Truthfully I am happy and sad about it. Happy that we can start getting the little bit of stuff we need for Sutter, sad because I really enjoyed spending time with Jeremy and these last 6 weeks have been wonderful. It's been nice to be able to stick my head in the garage and say hi to him anytime I am in the laundry room. It has been wonderful sharing lunch together everyday. His and Eldon's relationship has grown so much over the last 6 weeks with Eldon spending every minute he isn't at school out in the garage or going on errands. Brighton has loved having her daddy home and is probably going to have the hardest time adjusting to him going back.

I am thankful that God gave us this time together because once he goes back to work there will be days where the kids wont even see him because of his current schedule.

I am still struggling with my anger at the whole deal but at the same time this bonus time with Jeremy has been a blessing. I have no clue why God let this happen but I do know it's taught me a few things...

While I did stress a little about where the money would come from to pay our bills, anger at the situation was my default emotion.

I buy way more crap than I need.  It is so easy to just add stuff to my Amazon Prime cart and hit buy, I don't need that.  I have had things sitting in my cart for 6 weeks that I realized, yes I can live without.  

I love spending time with Jeremy and never get sick of him. Having him home 24/7 was a seamless transition.  It was almost too comfortable.  I can't wait until we are retired. In the meantime I would love if he worked from home. 

When I say I trust God, I have to trust Him with everything. There were so many little things over this period of time that He would gently remind me "You trust Me with that, but Savanna, do you trust Me with this?" Those were hard words for me to hear.

I knew it before but this confirmed it for me... God does give you more than you can handle. Because I was never meant to go through this life without Him. He never gives me more than I can handle with His help. The only way we grow in our faith is to be stretched and tested. If He only gave me what I can handle I would never grow. But by giving me more than I can handle it requires me to trust fully and walk in faith every step of the way.

Why didn't we tell a whole lot of people about what was happening?  Mostly because talking about it took away the peace I had that God would take care of the situation.  I was already dealing with the anger I had towards the whole thing, I didn't need to add anything on top of that. 

Thank you to those who prayed for us of these last 6 weeks, the prayers were felt.

6 So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you must endure many trials for a little while. 7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
1 Peter 1:6-7

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